In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:17“Congratulations,” a good friend said to me, rushing up and warmly shaking my hand. “What took you so long?”
I chuckled and shook my head. Mike had asked a sincere question, and it deserved an honest answer. “It’s simple,” I responded. “God knew I just wasn’t ready.”
You see, every year my church ordains a new group of deacons, men elected to take on the task of caring for the body of Christ. To be servants. It’s an important job, and it does require a small degree of personal sacrifice, but it’s not difficult. Still, for the first twenty-eight years of my membership, God knew I just wasn’t ready.
I first joined my church in 1981. I met my wife there and we dedicated both of our children. I served on numerous committees, taught classes and mentored young married couples. I parked cars, collected offerings, worked the nursery and sat in the pews countless times. I did everything a good member was supposed to do, but still, somehow, I never felt truly fulfilled. And somewhere along the way I began to change.
My life turned dark. I grew distant. And for the longest time I wanted nothing at all to do with the church. I stopped attending. Ran from God. All the time professing to a Christian, a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. But in reality I had become a hypocrite, a weak, watered-down Christian fighting to earn my place in the world. To succeed. To live the American dream.
“Am I really saved?” I began to wonder. “Is Christianity real?”
I started picking fights with God. I challenged him. Demanded answers and got in His face. And one day when I felt like everything was hopeless, I reached the breaking point and cried out to Jesus:
“You tell me to follow you…well I can’t do it. I can’t keep up with you!”
“You can’t keep up,” I heard him say, “because you’re carrying too much baggage. You love this world too much.”
“Well what do you want me to do, Lord?”
“Pick up your cross and follow me.”
“But I don’t know how!”
And then, it was as if blinders were removed from my eyes. I suddenly understood that I couldn’t pick up my cross and follow Christ because I had become too weak. I had no strength left. No longer could I survive as a Christian by my power alone. I needed a fresh infusion of strength. And that’s when an old passage came to mind, a spiritual order from Ephesians, chapter six:
“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
I began to meditate on that passage. Studied the armor of God. And I soon began to realize why I’d become so weak. I had been toying with the God’s armor instead of putting it on. Choosing one piece of armor one day, another piece the next. I never put it all on at the same time, and rarely, if ever, did I pick up the sword of the Spirit. God’s Word.
I decided to make a commitment to God, to begin reading his Word. Not occasionally, but every day. And I’ve been faithful. From Genesis through the Old Testament and into the Gospels of Christ. I have read, and studied, and memorized, and prayed, and God has changed me. I feel hope. Peace. And for the first time in my life I feel what I believe must be, true joy. It’s a feeling I can’t explain except to say that my heart feels light. My burdens have been lifted. And no longer do I feel the oppression of darkness. The morning light seems brighter. My way appears crystal clear.
I still don’t feel like I’m ready to stand before the congregation of my church—to share the Gospel of Christ and to serve the Lord’s Supper—because I know myself too well. But I also know what God has taught me, and the long road I have traveled to learn what it means to be a Christian. God’s timing is always perfect. His plan righteousness never fails.
So, yeah, it took me a long time, Mike, a long time to realize why I’m here. For forty years I served my self. But today, by God’s grace, I’m learning to serve others.
Do you feel weak? Unable to take up you cross and follow the Lord? Well it could be a piece your spiritual armor is missing. Find out which piece, and then put on the full armor of God. Do it every day. Only then will you find the strength to take up your cross and follow the Lord Jesus Christ.
